Miracles do happen!
Apple has announced that developers will now be able to respond to critics and reviews in the App Store.
This update has been a long time coming. By contrast, Google has allowed developers to respond to reviews in the Google Play Store since 2013.
Essentially, Apple has created a ‘Customer Support’ role for iTunes Connect (Apple’s content management hub). When you are assigned the Customer Support role, you are now able to respond to comments, rants, critiques, ramblings about your app.
Apple has even released a nifty (I say sarcastically) guide to help developers respond properly.